Paulina Porizkova opens up about grief over late husband Ric Ocasek

Paulina Porizkova has admitted that she is still ‘not good’ and struggling with ‘insecurity’ as she opens up about leaning on her friends and family while mourning the death of her estranged husband Ric Ocasek. 

The 54-year-old supermodel took to Instagram on Thursday to share a throwback photo of her and her friends posing with their feet in the sand at her 50th birthday celebration. In the caption, she thanked them for their unyielding support as she continues to grieve. 

‘”How are you?” “HOW are you?” “But really, How ARE you?” Peeps, I’m not good. Grief. Anger. No stable ground below me at the moment — insecurity in every pertinent and important area of my future. I’m breaking a little under the weight of it all. Insecurity in all — but love,’ she wrote at the start of her candid post.  

Support system: Paulina Porizkova took to Instagram on Thursday to share a throwback photo of her and her friends posing with their feet in the sand at her 50th birthday getaway

Support system: Paulina Porizkova took to Instagram on Thursday to share a throwback photo of her and her friends posing with their feet in the sand at her 50th birthday getaway

Support system: Paulina Porizkova took to Instagram on Thursday to share a throwback photo of her and her friends posing with their feet in the sand at her 50th birthday getaway

Grateful: In the caption, she thanked her friends and family who 'cried' and 'raged' with her as she mourns the loss of her estranged husband, Ric Ocasek, who died at the age of 75

Grateful: In the caption, she thanked her friends and family who 'cried' and 'raged' with her as she mourns the loss of her estranged husband, Ric Ocasek, who died at the age of 75

Grateful: In the caption, she thanked her friends and family who ‘cried’ and ‘raged’ with her as she mourns the loss of her estranged husband, Ric Ocasek, who died at the age of 75

‘My amazing and wonderful friends and family who showed up as soon as tragedy struck, and held me and cried with me and got drunk with me and raged with me and then wrapped me up and took care of things,’ she continued. 

Honest: The model admitted she's 'not good' and is struggling with 'anger' and 'insecurity'

Honest: The model admitted she's 'not good' and is struggling with 'anger' and 'insecurity'

Honest: The model admitted she’s ‘not good’ and is struggling with ‘anger’ and ‘insecurity’

‘All that I have put onto my friendships has been returned a hundredfold. When I think of all the outlets I poured my energy into — friendship is by far the biggest pay-off.’

Paulina noted that the friendships she is referring to are also within her own family, saying that she has tried her best to build relationships and not take anyone for granted.  

‘I have not always been successful,’ she admitted. ‘In fact, lots of these people disregarded my failings and showed up anyway. 

‘And so in the midst of this storm, I think I’ll be ok. I love and am loved.’ 

She went on to explain that the photo she shared was taken with her ‘besties’ who brought on a vacation to the tropics for her milestone 50th birthday.   

‘Thank all of you for your support,’ she wrote at the end of her post. ‘On certain dark days, it held my head above water. #friendsforever #friendsarefamily #bff #bffsforever #instafriends.’ 

Message: She posted a photo of her cat on her first Thanksgiving without Ric, writing: 'Friends. The best things in life. Thank you all and may you have a snuggly, loving and warm Holiday'

Message: She posted a photo of her cat on her first Thanksgiving without Ric, writing: 'Friends. The best things in life. Thank you all and may you have a snuggly, loving and warm Holiday'

Message: She posted a photo of her cat on her first Thanksgiving without Ric, writing: ‘Friends. The best things in life. Thank you all and may you have a snuggly, loving and warm Holiday’

Loss: Three weeks ago, Paulina shared a photo of herself along with a lengthy post about her unrelenting grief following The Cars frontman's death

Loss: Three weeks ago, Paulina shared a photo of herself along with a lengthy post about her unrelenting grief following The Cars frontman's death

Loss: Three weeks ago, Paulina shared a photo of herself along with a lengthy post about her unrelenting grief following The Cars frontman’s death 

Paulina shared a similar sentiment on Thanksgiving when she posted a picture of her cat snuggled up in a blue fleece blanket.

‘Friends. The best things in life. Thank you all and may you have a snuggly, loving and warm Holiday,’ she captioned the image. 

Paulina married Ric in August 1989, after meeting the singer on set while The Cars were filming the music video for Drive in 1984. She announced in May 2018 that she and Ric had split the year before after 28 years of marriage. 

The model and the singer, who passed away at the age of 75, shared sons Oliver, 21 and Jonathan, 25. She found him dead in their Manhattan townhouse on September 15.  

The day after Ric’s death, Paulina released a family statement on Instagram. She did not elaborate on what kind of operation the rocker had undergone before his death, but she said she and their two sons had been caring for him. 

Story: Paulina met Ric (pictured in 1990) when The Cars were filming the music video for Drive in 1984, and they wed five years later

Story: Paulina met Ric (pictured in 1990) when The Cars were filming the music video for Drive in 1984, and they wed five years later

Story: Paulina met Ric (pictured in 1990) when The Cars were filming the music video for Drive in 1984, and they wed five years later 

Relationship: Paulina and Ric quietly separated in 2017 after 28 years of marriage. She and her estranged husband were still married at the time of his death

Relationship: Paulina and Ric quietly separated in 2017 after 28 years of marriage. She and her estranged husband were still married at the time of his death

Relationship: Paulina and Ric quietly separated in 2017 after 28 years of marriage. She and her estranged husband were still married at the time of his death 

‘I found him still asleep when bringing him his Sunday morning coffee,’ she said in the post. ‘I touched his cheek to rouse him. It was then I realized that during the night he had peacefully passed on.’

A New York City medical examiner determined in September that he died from hypertensive and atherosclerotic cardiovascular disease with pulmonary emphysema being a contributing factor.  

Nearly a month after his death, Paulina wrote a poignant tribute on Instagram about her relationship with Ric and the love he made her feel.

She shared a black and white photo of herself that was taken during their shoot with famed photographer Steven Meisel, and in the heartbreaking caption, she recounted how her husband made her feel loved for most of her life.  

The Sports Illustrated star explained that he was the ‘sun’ that she revolved around, even after their separation. 

Mourning: Paulina, who found Ric dead in their Manhattan townhouse, shared a family statement on Instagram on September 16

Mourning: Paulina, who found Ric dead in their Manhattan townhouse, shared a family statement on Instagram on September 16

Mourning: Paulina, who found Ric dead in their Manhattan townhouse, shared a family statement on Instagram on September 16

Emotional: Nearly a month after his death, Paulina wrote a poignant tribute on Instagram about her relationship with Ric and the love he made her feel

Emotional: Nearly a month after his death, Paulina wrote a poignant tribute on Instagram about her relationship with Ric and the love he made her feel

Emotional: Nearly a month after his death, Paulina wrote a poignant tribute on Instagram about her relationship with Ric and the love he made her feel

‘Like a plant, I tilted my head to catch his rays,’ she wrote. ‘Our separation didn’t alter this one bit. He was rising and setting and I planned my life around it as one does a day: depending on the position of the sun in the sky: you’ll have breakfast or go to work or dinner with your friends. 

‘His death is the end of my world as I knew it.’ 

Paulina has continued to write about her unrelenting grief, using Instagram as a means of communicating the sense of loss and anger she was left with after Ric’s death.   

‘I have never experienced this sort of grief,’ she wrote on November 19. ‘When my beloved grandma died, all I felt was a gentle sort of sorrow. She was old. She was senile. 

‘She couldn’t recognize anyone and death was freeing her from a broken body. But the unexpectedness, the unfairness and unpreparedness of Ric’s death suddenly rendered grief a whole new beast.’  

It was revealed last month that The Cars frontman had cut her out of his will, claiming that he was ‘abandoned’ by her.  

Painful: It was reported in November that Ric had cut Paulina out of his will, claiming she had 'abandoned' him. She is pictured with their son Oliver last month

Painful: It was reported in November that Ric had cut Paulina out of his will, claiming she had 'abandoned' him. She is pictured with their son Oliver last month

Painful: It was reported in November that Ric had cut Paulina out of his will, claiming she had ‘abandoned’ him. She is pictured with their son Oliver last month

Speaking out: 'I’ve known about the will since the day after Ric passed. All you have heard from me since is in spite of that. #loveneverdies,' she captioned this image

Speaking out: 'I’ve known about the will since the day after Ric passed. All you have heard from me since is in spite of that. #loveneverdies,' she captioned this image

Speaking out: ‘I’ve known about the will since the day after Ric passed. All you have heard from me since is in spite of that. #loveneverdies,’ she captioned this image

‘I have made no provision for my wife Paulina Porizkova (‘Paulina’) as we are in the process of divorcing,’ the iconic singer said in his will, according to PageSix.

‘Even if I should die before our divorce is final… Paulina is not entitled to any elective share… because she has abandoned me.’ 

A filing listed with the will has his assets to include $5 million in ‘copyrights’ — but just $100,000 in ‘tangible personal property’ and $15,000 in cash.

After the late singer’s will was made public, Paulina shared a photo of herself with riding bikes with him and their two sons.   

‘I’ve known about the will since the day after Ric passed. All you have heard from me since — is in spite of that. #loveneverdies,’ she captioned the image.