A new book which analyses reader’s sexual personality is set to help get things sizzling in the bedroom.
The Come As You Are Workbook, written by US author Emily Nagoski, allows you to determine the sexual category you fall into by rating a number of questions on a scale of one to four.
Emily began her career as a sex educator in 1995 when she became a peer health educator at the University of Delaware, and her book Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life was a New York Times bestseller.
Her five questions fall into the ‘inhibitions’ and ‘exciters’ category, and help determine what turns you on – and off.
Once you have added up your score, a summary tells you what can help improve your sex life, and what you should watch out for.
Rated as ‘low, medium or high’ in each category, those with ‘low brakes’ in the ‘inhibitions’ category are described as ‘confident and sexually engaged’, and are told to aware of ‘sexual consequences’.
Meanwhile those rated as being in the ‘low accelerator’ bracket in the ‘exciters’ category, are advised the could associate with the asexual identity, and their sex life could be aided by the use of toys.
To play, mark the each of the below statements on a 0-4 scale, with 0 being ‘not at all like me’, 1 being ‘not much like me’, 2 being ‘somewhat like me’, 3 being ‘a lot like me’ and 4 being ‘exactly like me’, before adding up your total score for category A, then category B.
A new book which analyses reader’s sexual personality is set to help get things sizzling in the bedroom – by using your ‘inhibitions and exciters’ to determine which sexual category you fall into – and this can help to improve your sex life
Sexual temperament questionnaire
1. Sometimes I have so many worries that I am unable to get aroused
2. If I think I’m being used sexually it completely turns me off
3. If I am uncertain how my partner feels about me, it is harder to get aroused
4. If I am worried about taking too long to become aroused or to orgasm this can interfere with my arousal
5. Sometimes I feel so shy or self conscious during sex that I cannot become fully aroused
- Score your total out of 20
1. Seeing a partner doing something that shows their talent or intelligence, or watching them interacting well with others, can make me very sexually aroused
2. When I think about someone I find sexually attractive or fantasise about sex, I easily become aroused
3. If it is possible someone might see or hear us having sex it is more difficult for me to get aroused
4. If I am very sexually attracted to someone, I don’t need to be in a relationship with that person to become sexually aroused
5. I think about sex a lot when I am bored
- Score your total out of 20
Your sexual personality
Low brakes (0-6)
You’re not sensitive to all the reasons not to be sexually aroused. You don’t tend to worry about your own sexual functioning, and body image issues don’t interfere too much with your sexuality.
When you’re sexually engaged, your attention is not very distractible and you wouldn’t be inclined to describe yourself as ‘sexually shy’. Most circumstances can be sexual for you. You may find that your main challenge around sexual functioning is holding yourself back. Staying aware of potential consequences can help with this.
Medium brakes (7-13)
You’re right in the middle, along with more than half the women I’ve asked. This means whether or not your sexual brakes engage will be largely dependent on context.
Risky or novel situations such as a new partner, might increase your concerns about your own sexual functioning, shyness, or your distractability from sex. Contexts that easily arouse you are likely to be low risk and familiar, and anytime your stress levels – including anxiety – escalate, your brakes will reduce your interest in, and repsponse to sexual signals
High brakes (14-20)
You’re pretty sensitive to all the reasons not to be sexually aroused. You need a setting of trust and relaxation in order to be aroused, and it’s best if you don’t feel rushed or pressured.
You might be easily distracted from sex. High brakes, regardless of accelerator, is the most strongly correlated factor with sexual problems.
Low accelerator (0-6)
You’re not sensitive to sexually relevant stimuli and need to make a more deliberate effort to tune your attention to that wavelength.
Novel situations are less likely to be sexy to you than familiar ones. You’re a person whose sexual functioning will benefit from adding a greater intensity to stimulation (like a vibrator) and daily practice of paying attention to sensations.
Lower accelerator is also associated with asexuality, so if you’re very low accelerator you might resonate with some aspects of that identity.
Medium accelerator (7-13)
You’re right in the middle, so whether or not you’re sensitive to sexual stimuli probably depends on the context.
In situations of high romance or eroticism you tune in readily to sexual stimuli, an din situations of low romance or eroticism, it may be pretty challenging to move your attention to sexual things. Seventy per cent of women asked fall into this range.
High accelerator (14-20)
You’re pretty sensitive to sexually relevant stimuli, maybe even things humans aren’t generally sensitive to, like smell and taste.
A fairly wide range of contexts can be sexual for you, and novelty may be really exciting. You may be the person who likes having sex as a way to destress – high accelerator is correlated with greater risk for sexual compulsiveness, so you may benefit from paying attention to the ways you manage stress.
Your sexual functioning may benefit by making sure you create lots of time and space for your partner, because you’re sensitive, you can derive intense satisfaction from your partner’s pleasure, so you’ll both benefit.
Sixteen per cent of women surveyed fell into this group.
More info can be found in The Come As You Are Workbook, by Emily Nagoski, out on the 7 August 2019